Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
