How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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