Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
