maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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