Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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