i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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