im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
barbara walters just said penis...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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