i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
