all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
