All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
