I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
