Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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