i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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