too bad you live with your parents still
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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