happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
