There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
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he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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