Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..

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(250): View more from British Columbia

tequila makes me forget i have legs

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(406): View more from Montana

Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(210): View more from Texas

I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

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(315): View more from New York

i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor

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(503): View more from Oregon

Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it

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(330): View more from Ohio

I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.

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