Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
True but thats because hes a fetus.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
