i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule