Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.