i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high