Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...