she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
19 Totally Clueless People That’ll Make You Say ‘Bless Your Heart’
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
30 Times Ryan Reynolds’ Replies Were The Funniest Thing On Twitter
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.