Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up

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  (586): Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up http://tfl.nu/mvat
  Replies (3) Good night (1995) Bad night (754)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  damn...impressive bar tab

  (216): View more from Ohio

  no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer

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  (216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account (1-216): damn...impressive bar tab (216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer http://tfl.nu/hyvf
  Replies (13) Good night (1395) Bad night (2101)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Did he leave or is he still there?

  (334): View more from Alabama

  He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.

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  (256): Did he leave or is he still there? (334): He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now. http://tfl.nu/a0i5
  Replies (4) Good night (746) Bad night (1798)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina

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  (516): what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina http://tfl.nu/zqnz
  Replies (92) Good night (1281) Bad night (5612)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.

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  (202): I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole. http://tfl.nu/2lml
  Replies (37) Good night (5391) Bad night (971)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.

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  (519): I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was. http://tfl.nu/2sao
  Replies (12) Good night (4622) Bad night (1198)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us

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  (603): stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us http://tfl.nu/v63w
  Replies (6) Good night (5182) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals

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  (269): I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals http://tfl.nu/d194
  Replies (4) Good night (2616) Bad night (1016)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.

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  (717): I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets. http://tfl.nu/exmx
  Replies (10) Good night (2704) Bad night (843)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.

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  (425): ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture. http://tfl.nu/ky0p
  Replies (4) Good night (2276) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT

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  (404): Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT http://tfl.nu/tfsq
  Replies (4) Good night (1037) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.

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  (772): Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with. http://tfl.nu/bsvi
  Replies (14) Good night (1005) Bad night (527)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.

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  (407): Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone. http://tfl.nu/oywy
  Replies (4) Good night (388) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me

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  (240): I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me http://tfl.nu/mac9
  Replies (3) Good night (744) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?

  (806): View more from Texas

  Yes.

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  (817): So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits? (806): Yes. http://tfl.nu/kxzx
  Replies (4) Good night (569) Bad night (414)

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