i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My dick has a subreddit
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
