Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
