Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
