You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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