you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
