I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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