All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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