i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize