I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So vagazzling was a success
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
