You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
