can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
