your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
