So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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