I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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