I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
