this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
