Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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