The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
