one two three fourrrrnication!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
