I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
