I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I am one with the molecules
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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