My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
