she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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