i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
im six kinds of drunk right now
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
