420 ftw
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
