do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
