So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
