You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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