direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
