Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
