I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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