marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
