I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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