Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Boobs are out for the taking
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
