ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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