I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
