That's intense
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
