a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
