How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
