I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
