also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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