oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
