The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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