Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
