She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
