tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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