Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
third nipple confirmed
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
