This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
