Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
