Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
