i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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