Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
