watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
