OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
