you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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