I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
